By The Editor – Who’s Definitely Not on Anyone’s Watchlist (Yet)
History is a stubborn mule. It drags on, stubbornly repeating itself, snorting propaganda and stepping in piles of geopolitics. But once in a while—once every blue nuke—you get a window. A moment. A rare, trembling crack in the cosmic joke where everything aligns, and even North Korea can ask itself:
“Do I want to keep being the global weirdo with nukes and no Wi-Fi, or do I want to be the next royal influencer state with its own Netflix docuseries?”
Right now, that moment is here. The world’s on edge, the players are in place, and frankly, no one wants a real war anymore. They want headlines, legacy, and trade deals with spicy side effects.
The Perfect Storm of Peace (or Fire)
You’ve got the United States playing World Peace Sheriff™—badge on, but bullets out. The president’s practically sniffing around for a Nobel Peace Prize like it’s laced with truffle oil. He wants legacy. No Democrat would ever touch North Korea with a treaty-shaped pole. But a self-proclaimed dealmaker in the White House? One who views diplomacy like poker and photo-ops like victory dances? That’s Pyongyang’s golden goose.
And China—ah yes, the complicated roommate. They don’t want war. They definitely don’t want a destabilized neighbor with a front-row view of their missile launch inventory. But they also wouldn’t mind flexing some shiny toys—especially drones—while pretending they’re helping “the process.”
Now North Korea has three paths. Spoiler: they all involve manipulating the hell out of the current global mood.
Option One: Do Absolutely Nothing
A classic. The dictator’s default.
Stay locked in. Keep starving. Hope the world forgets you exist until some TikTok tech turns your underground bunkers into rainbow dust. Oh, and pray your people don’t eventually snap because they found out other countries eat food for fun. Wait long enough, and you’ll get invaded under the banner of “liberation” and your precious rare metals will end up fueling European electric scooters. Great job.
Option Two: Start a Friendly War™
Yep, you read that right.
Remember that weird five-minute slap fight between Israel and Iran? Yeah, that thing proved two truths:
You can throw missiles and still claim peace.
The U.S. would rather host a brunch with Satan than start another full-blown war.
So go ahead—launch a controlled tantrum. Fire a few projectiles into the sea. Paint your victory murals. Then sit at the table and talk. Just make sure to invite China early. They’d love to beta-test their drones against American sensors without actually committing to anything.
Negotiations begin day one. That’s how adults do tantrums.
Option Three: Go Full Peace Mode™
Qatar’s open. UAE loves attention. Call them.
Arrange a peace summit that makes Versailles look like a brunch meetup. The world wants this. Trump will fly in faster than you can say “photo-op.”
Here’s the move:
Demand the safety and security of the Kim family. Fine. Make them royalty.
Name it The Kingdom of Korea. Go full K-drama with crowns and heirs.
Elect a government to do the dirty work, and let the King smile and wave.
South Korea might even join in 40 years. Weirder things have happened—like Brexit.
You protect the monarch, you give the people a scapegoat to blame when Wi-Fi is slow, and you start importing Starbucks. Everyone wins.
But What Does North Korea Actually Need?
Open the damn doors. There’s a whole world of Spotify playlists and overproduced Netflix documentaries waiting. K-pop was just a taste. Imagine the cultural flood if the North joined in.
Stability for the ruling class. They don’t want reform—they want permanent insurance. So give it to them in the form of royal status and a security pact.
Let them keep half their nukes. Who cares? As long as they never use them, they’re just overpriced paperweights. Let China babysit the arsenal with UN oversight, and everyone pretends they’re doing their job.
Why Would the West Bite?
One word: Resources.
Rare metals. Cheap labor. Fresh tourism market. A diplomatic win.
Let American troops stay in South Korea at reduced numbers—why not? Most wars now are fought with AI, satellite maps, and emotional manipulation. You don’t need boots on the ground when a laptop and a drone can do the job.
Final Vision: Tourism, Peace, Kims in Crowns
As soon as the ink dries on the peace treaty and the first tourist steps off the plane with a selfie stick, North Korea becomes a goldmine. Within a year, Pyongyang’s tourism revenue could rival Austria’s GDP. If not?
Fine. I’ll list this domain for $500 and take up gardening.
The Verdict:
The clock’s ticking. The table’s set. The West is exhausted. The East is nervous. And North Korea—believe it or not—has the upper hand.
Time to play it. Either with a missile, a handshake, or a crown.
Just… don’t wait. History’s mule doesn’t slow down.
—The Editor
Dictating peace proposals since 5 minutes ago.